Why you should give up on a book you aren’t enjoying (and let your child do the same!)
One of the questions I get asked frequently is “How do you find time to read so much.”
One of my biggest secrets is that I read books I WANT to read.
Which means that the opposite is also true – I DON’T read books I don’t want read.
My best tip if you want to read more books?
QUIT the book you don’t like.
I know that for many readers, leaving a book unfinished feels like heresy. It’s easy to have a sense that “real” readers complete any book they start, whether they like it or not.
But there are no gold stars awarded for finishing a book you didn’t like and didn’t enjoy. (I also subscribe to Gretchen Rubin’s monthly email about what she’s read and she mentions every month that she doesn’t finish books she doesn’t like, which acts as a good monthly reminder to quit when a book isn’t working for you).
Better to just return the book to the library or stick it in your local Little Free Library or pass it on to someone who will enjoy it more.
In my mind, there are two convincing reasons not to finish a book that’s not doing it for you.
First, don’t throw good money (or in this case, time) after bad. That time you’ve already spent on the book is gone. And spending more of it on a book you’re not enjoying? Just a waste of MORE time. My time feels very precious to me and wasting it slogging through a book that’s doing nothing for me? A poor use of my time for sure.
Second, it often makes you choose not to read at all. If you won’t allow yourself to go on to a new book before finishing a book you’re not enjoying, what that usually means is that you don’t read at all. And if your goal is to read more books, then sticking with a book you don’t like is probably directly hindering that goal.
In a post I wrote last summer about 7 tips for fitting in more reading, I mentioned that one of my best tricks for making time to read more books is to ditch a book you aren’t enjoying.
If you’re reading something you’re really loving, you’re FAR more likely to find scraps of time to read, choosing that really gripping book over scrolling on your phone or sitting down for ten minutes after your kids are in bed.
I mentioned on the Extraordinary Podcast a few years ago that we mostly do things that we ENJOY – if you’re in the middle of a book you’re loving? You’ll find an extra 5 minutes here, and an extra 15 minutes there to sneak in a little reading (I’ve seen this over and over again when I recommend To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before and people send me notes saying they haven’t read a book in a decade and then they read the whole trilogy in a weekend).
The opposite holds true too – if you’re reading something you’re NOT into, you’ll almost never choose reading over anything else (much like most of us don’t “have time” to clean the toilet but can squeeze in a Netflix episode every day).
And if this is true for adults, it’s extra true for kids!
Why you should let your child quit a book they aren’t enjoying
In my free Raising Readers course (you can sign up here), the first lesson is called “How to Create a Culture of Reading in Your Home” with nine actionable ways to help your children love reading.
Hands DOWN, the one of those I get the most feedback about is the second tip which is about letting your child quit books they don’t like.
I know that it feels really wrong to let your child give up on a book and that it feels like you’re teaching your child to be a quitter.
But what you’re really teaching your child is that it’s VERY risky to even start a book because once they’ve cracked the cover, you’re never going to let them give it up even if it’s not the right book for them.
And I’m pretty sure most parents aren’t trying to teach their kids to be afraid of trying out a new book.
Imagine if, any time you started a new Netflix series, you weren’t allowed to watch anything else until you’d watched the entire thing. Maybe five whole seasons worth!
It would feel extremely risky to start ANY new series because as soon as those opening credits played, you were committed to hours and hours and hours of time with this show that you don’t even know yet is right for you.
Whether it’s for you or for your child, you want a new book to feel like an opportunity to discover something wonderful along with the freedom to walk away if it’s not a good fit.
Even on picture books, if it’s one that’s just really dragging for us, we close it up and move on to something better. I want my children to feel like reading is thrilling and enjoyable, instead of a tedious chore.
On Goodreads (which I use to track all my personal reading), there are – by default – three categories: Want to Read, Currently Reading, or Read.
About ten years ago or so, I created my own fourth category: Unfinished books.
For my fairly Type-A brain, it’s nice to have a place to categorize those books that I don’t want clogging up my “Currently Reading” category indefinitely.
How about you?
Are you fine to give up on a book you aren’t enjoying or do you feel compelled to finish every book you start? And do you let your kids quit books they don’t like?
Photos by Heather Mildenstein
If a book has really good reviews or was recommended by someone I trust, I’ll try to stick it out. But if I’m halfway through a book and don’t find myself wanting to stay up past bedtime to finish another chapter (or the whole book, haha), I move on to the next one.
I’m the same way!!! If a book doesn’t grab me within the first 50-100 pages I return it to the library. There are so many I’ve tried that were “hyped” but they weren’t for me and that’s totally okay! I’d much rather read something I’m enjoying than not.
I used to think it was heresy, but in the last couple of years I finally realized that not quitting was wasting my time. I read because I love it, not because I have to. And if it’s for pleasure and not compulsion, then who’s to say that I have to finish every book I start? I’ve heard some people say they will read X number of pages before quitting, but I don’t have a minimum limit. Whether it’s 30 pages or 130 pages, I just go by how I feel. If it feels like it’s never going to happen for me, I move on. I’ve even started a list in my book journal of books I’ve quit. 😉 (It’s sitting at about 3 so far this year.)
I just added an unfinished shelf on Goodreads. THANK YOU for that simple but brilliant option. I struggle with not finishing books but am getting better at it. I think this simple change will help.
It is only recently that I allowed myself to abandon a book I wasn’t enjoying reading – still hard for me to do, but I love what you said, and I have so many books on my TBR list that it does seem foolish to “punish” myself by continuing to spend time on something I am not loving! TX for your post. Happy reading!
I love that this is your #1! I was 35ish years old when I let myself not finish a book. It was one of the most freeing things I had done. I know exactly which book it was and I let it stay on my bookshelf for years because every time I looked at it I gave my self a high-five for breaking that barrier! I have a constant struggle with one of our 4th grade teachers who Will Not let her students abandon a book. It is infuriating (but then again so is she) and I have to work around her constantly on this topic! Maybe I will put you in her mailbox!
This comment just made me smile SO BIG at my screen. I miss you and wish I could come hang out in your office and process new books.
For my kids, I usually let them abandon books… However, if it’s a book that I’ve read and I think they will like if they would just stick with it, sometimes I offer to read a chapter out loud to them. Then I can gauge their reaction to the story and how much they’re getting from it. If they have no interest and/or it’s just not the right fit for them at that time, I can see it. I can usually tell after just a few minutes of reading. Then we can push it aside and find something else.
This year, as a 34 year old adult, I gave myself permission to put a book down of I didn’t like it. Changed my life! I’ve read so many more books and am enjoying reading so much!
I currently teach 1st grade, but taught 5th for 12 years and 4th for 5 before that. I had parents and colleagues challenge that very thought — that it’s okay to quit a book. I told my 4th and 5th graders they had to give it at least a chapter or 10 pages before they gave up./quit. But I told them I don’t give a book more of my time if I don’t’ like it. It’s okay to say . . . nope, not my piece of cake. I know there are books I’ve read that took me a couple starts and I fell in love — City of Ember, the Giver and Walk Two Moons — 3 of my favorite books. My masters was in reading — getting them hooked — and the only way to love reading is to not hate it. The only way to improve is to do it. If we don’t like something, we aren’t going to do it and we Definitely aren’t going to do it well! (can you tell my passion!?)
This was such a great post! I try to only give a book 50 pages before I DNF it, but for some that’s tough. Being busy though means no one had time to read books that aren’t fun!
I’ve only pushed through a few that I didn’t enjoy. Some “classics”. 🤷🏻♀️ I have never pushed my kids to read anything, ever since my (18yo) daughter’s first grade teacher said “let her look at the pictures if she wants, it’s all engaging in books and she’ll get there when she’s ready!” Best. Advice. Ever. She DID when the pandemic hit and she was halfway through Harry Potter. She would disappear for hours! 😆 I love the idea of quitting on a Netflix show. We wouldn’t watch something we hated, why read something we hate?!? Different forms of entertainment but they aren’t that different!
I agree with you, BUT I will say that if I had stopped reading The Girl with the Dragon Tatoo when the beginning and middle were so dull and tedious, I would have missed a fabulous series. I have occasionally quit on a book before, but not very often. I do think we should give ourselves permission to do so.