Authenticity
Personal authenticity has been on my mind for most of the summer. My swirling thoughts about it solidified a little after I read this lovely post by Definitely RA about things she will do and things she won’t do, even if it feels like everyone else is doing (and loving) them.
I’ve noticed this specifically because of Pinterest – the same things get pinned over and over again, and I start to think, “Does everyone really love chevron that much? Or do they just think they should like it?”
“Does everyone aspire to make their own magnet boards out of cookie sheets?”
Since we’ve returned home from vacation, I’ve tried to think more proactively about what I really like.
What do I want to read? I want to read what appeals to me, whether it’s something that’s boring to other people or something that others look down on for being low-brow. Right now, I’m reading a lot of adult non-fiction and picture books. I’m reading less YA right now than I have in years.
What creative outlets do I want to pursue? I’ve realized that sewing is just not that enjoyable to me. I can do it, but it doesn’t really fulfill me and I find myself really frustrated most of the time. I’m happy to keep buying my clothing at the store. But I do like activities that have less margin for error and that use my hands while letting me listen to audiobooks, like glass painting or fooling around in Photoshop.
What kind of weekend activities do I like to do? How do I like spending my time with Ella and Bart on a Saturday morning? I like to get outside for walks, try new restaurants, and not feel like I have to do something “productive.” Spending the morning playing a hundred games of Memory in Ella’s bedroom while Bart and I talk about hamburger joints in Austin may not make for good blog posts, but it makes me happy.
What do I like to wear? I don’t want anything fussy. I like simple outfits, few accessories, and basic things like black shirts, jeans, and flats. I like Merrick’s philosophy about pinning outfits on Pinterest – she told me she doesn’t pin any outfits that she doesn’t already own at least one part of. She wants it to be a “how to make my existing wardrobe work” pinboard, rather than a “things I wish I owned and now I look with despair at my own non-Anthropologie/J.Crew wardrobe” pinboard.
How do I like my house to look? I like neutrals with some bright colors. I like clean lines and modern looks. I don’t like anything distressed or “shabby chic.” I don’t like knick-knacks or things that look homemade. I don’t like cutesy. I really like things to be well-organized, and I like as many places to sit down as possible.
What activities do I do with Ella? I was really inspired by what Princess Nebraska said recently when someone asked her how she manages to wear wedges while having two little children: “I wish I was a playground mom, but I’m just not. Guilt over that fact
never turned me into a playground mom, it just turned me into a mom who
felt guilty for not going to the playground. Now I don’t go and I don’t
worry about it.” I’ve heard my mom say the same thing about her own parenting many times – she did the things she liked to do. So Ella and I go to the library a lot, take walks, and have friends over. We cook together and read books on the couch. We go to stores and wander around. I don’t make up stories or play with toys.
I think it takes a lot of time to figure out what you really like. You aren’t going to know, usually, by 18 or 19. At 26 (and 363 days), I’m only just starting to be able to wrap my head around the fashion and home design things I gravitate toward. Taste in entertainment and activities will likely change over time. Eating habits may be vastly different ten years apart. I like the opportunity to explore new things and figure out what really is the best fit for me.
I want to be happy with my own life and who I am. I want the things I wear, the way I eat and decorate and entertain and and spend my time to reflect who I really am and what I really like, not force myself into some box that I think I should fit into.
And I have to say, I’ve felt more fulfilled, more happy, and less frustrated as I work to fill my life with things that make me happy and stop doing the things that I don’t really want to do.
I love everything you said about clothing, books (I too am burned-out on YA), food, home-decor. However, and I hate to be a dissenter, but when it comes to parenting, I do a lot of things with my boys that I don't necessarily like to do. Because while I may not want to be a playground mom, my kid is a playground kid. He loves when I play toys with him (and when we are stuck at home because the baby is sleeping the choices are slimmer). I'm not taking him to the library as often because lately all library trips end in a meltdowns. I'd love to sit at the table and paint or color with him, but he paints 4 stripes and is done. We listen to a lot of music, and we both like that. It sounds like you got a kid that likes to do what you like to do. You are blessed.
I really like this post. Since turning 30, I've been trying to be more honest with myself and what I really like. I liked the idea of only pinning clothing ideas that you own one piece of (or similar to). I always joke that Pinterest needs magic powers so that when you pin an outfit, it appears in the closet. I'd have a sweet wardrobe by now. I really like the idea of authenticity.
I just wanted to send a note that I quite liked this post, but it seems everyone beat me to it. It made me step back and assess my own authenticity and I felt pretty good about it. Sometimes I feel like I SHOULD feel bad for doing/thinking/wanting but don't. It's so easy to get all tangled up in people's expectations, your dreams, what's popular, and what your mother in law wants you to be. 🙂 Be you. And that's it. Thanks Janssen.
I've only recently come to the realization that I can read things simply because I enjoy them, and that I don't have to read something just because everyone else is. It sounds ridiculous (and I felt ridiculous when I realized it), but it's made reading so much more enjoyable lately. I am still very much figuring out the other things you've listed, but mostly, I just like simple.
Ha! I was laughing at your playground comment. Ella is just too young for the playground. When we hit the playground I usually make sure a friend of mine and her kids come too. My kids are old enough to be able to enjoy the playground with little assistance from me. This gives me time to chat with my friends and the kids are off on their own. (not destroying my house, or making a mess of toys I will have to worry about later) Don't rule out the park/playground just yet!