Authenticity
Personal authenticity has been on my mind for most of the summer. My swirling thoughts about it solidified a little after I read this lovely post by Definitely RA about things she will do and things she won’t do, even if it feels like everyone else is doing (and loving) them.
I’ve noticed this specifically because of Pinterest – the same things get pinned over and over again, and I start to think, “Does everyone really love chevron that much? Or do they just think they should like it?”
“Does everyone aspire to make their own magnet boards out of cookie sheets?”
Since we’ve returned home from vacation, I’ve tried to think more proactively about what I really like.
What do I want to read? I want to read what appeals to me, whether it’s something that’s boring to other people or something that others look down on for being low-brow. Right now, I’m reading a lot of adult non-fiction and picture books. I’m reading less YA right now than I have in years.
What creative outlets do I want to pursue? I’ve realized that sewing is just not that enjoyable to me. I can do it, but it doesn’t really fulfill me and I find myself really frustrated most of the time. I’m happy to keep buying my clothing at the store. But I do like activities that have less margin for error and that use my hands while letting me listen to audiobooks, like glass painting or fooling around in Photoshop.
What kind of weekend activities do I like to do? How do I like spending my time with Ella and Bart on a Saturday morning? I like to get outside for walks, try new restaurants, and not feel like I have to do something “productive.” Spending the morning playing a hundred games of Memory in Ella’s bedroom while Bart and I talk about hamburger joints in Austin may not make for good blog posts, but it makes me happy.
What do I like to wear? I don’t want anything fussy. I like simple outfits, few accessories, and basic things like black shirts, jeans, and flats. I like Merrick’s philosophy about pinning outfits on Pinterest – she told me she doesn’t pin any outfits that she doesn’t already own at least one part of. She wants it to be a “how to make my existing wardrobe work” pinboard, rather than a “things I wish I owned and now I look with despair at my own non-Anthropologie/J.Crew wardrobe” pinboard.
How do I like my house to look? I like neutrals with some bright colors. I like clean lines and modern looks. I don’t like anything distressed or “shabby chic.” I don’t like knick-knacks or things that look homemade. I don’t like cutesy. I really like things to be well-organized, and I like as many places to sit down as possible.
What activities do I do with Ella? I was really inspired by what Princess Nebraska said recently when someone asked her how she manages to wear wedges while having two little children: “I wish I was a playground mom, but I’m just not.  Guilt over that fact
never turned me into a playground mom, it just turned me into a mom who
felt guilty for not going to the playground. Now I don’t go and I don’t
worry about it.” I’ve heard my mom say the same thing about her own parenting many times – she did the things she liked to do. So Ella and I go to the library a lot, take walks, and have friends over. We cook together and read books on the couch. We go to stores and wander around. I don’t make up stories or play with toys.
I think it takes a lot of time to figure out what you really like. You aren’t going to know, usually, by 18 or 19. At 26 (and 363 days), I’m only just starting to be able to wrap my head around the fashion and home design things I gravitate toward. Taste in entertainment and activities will likely change over time. Eating habits may be vastly different ten years apart. I like the opportunity to explore new things and figure out what really is the best fit for me.
I want to be happy with my own life and who I am. I want the things I wear, the way I eat and decorate and entertain and and spend my time to reflect who I really am and what I really like, not force myself into some box that I think I should fit into.
And I have to say, I’ve felt more fulfilled, more happy, and less frustrated as I work to fill my life with things that make me happy and stop doing the things that I don’t really want to do.
I've made similar lists for myself in times of feeling unsure of who I am. I think lists like that make you more aware and proud of the things you really like and don't.
– tianna 🙂
great post!!! i wish more people were more comfortable with themselves and didn't worry so much about what everyone else does. it's so much more peaceful to just be you. 🙂
this was AWESOME! one of the most often compliments I get is, "Chanel, I love that you're so real!" Usually it is said after I say something completely inappropriate, but thats me and I am who I am. The funny thing I have found after my oh so enlightening plunge into my 30s is we are always evolving, so sewing might not be your things now, but it may down the road. Who knows, pretty sure though, shopping will always be more FUN! Chevron, though, really? I don't get it, I believe it use to be called zig-zag, does "chevron" make it sound trendy? Just makes me think "gasoline is expensive and bad for the environment". ANyway, wonderful POST! You are the coolest!!
Well said.
I'm just learning this too, most particularly lately with food. I see all of the fad foods and meals and menus, and I think, "Do I really need to like goat cheese?" (I can't get past it tasting like pasture–maybe I haven't found the right brand. ;)) or "Am I strange for not liking this vegetable or that?" I've come to the conclusion that, no. I know enough (and care enough) about nutrition that I don't need to feel bad about what I eat, especially when what I'm eating is already really good for me. It's ok that I don't like peppers, because I like a lot of good food already.
Crazy how guilty we can feel about things that don't matter in the long run. So glad you're feeling so happy.
Love this post! I'm trying to be better at this very thing, so it's nice to hear your perspective on it.
Amen, amen, amen. Great post.
Refreshing to hear this said "out loud."
You've been reading Gretchen Rubin again, haven't you? 😉
I was thinking about just that. I think there's a lot of pressure for young adults (especially women, I might posit?) to reach for the stars, try everything once, be creative, start new hobbies, etc, which is all well and good… but at the end of the day, you like what you like and you shouldn't feel shame or guilt for not liking everything!
Excellent. Excellent.
I think we discussed this already on twitter back when Definitely RA originally posted. But since reading the Happiness Project it's been on my mind even more. I often think to myself, "Be Emily" now. (Full disclosure: I usually think "Be Gretchen" first and then correct myself. Whoops.) It's ok to like what I like and do what I like to do, even if it's not popular. And it's ok to like what IS popular right now, even if my first tendency is to NOT like it, just for the sake of not liking it. Sometimes I have to remind myself of those things and really ask myself, "Do I really like this?" Great post. Love when you write thought provoking things like this.
Amazing post. Absolutely amazing.
Amen, amen, amen! I was talking to our Homes editor at work about this very thing. Of course we are attracted to trends and what is new, but what makes fashion and home decor interesting is how people inject their personality and authenticity into it. For instance, NieNie, take it or leave it that woman uses her own style and people are attracted to it because she is so herself. You know?
Preach it!
Fantastic. I have been working on a "happiness project" of my own and this is further inspiration to "BE LINDSEY".
I love this post. It's so so true. And such a good reminder not to worry about what everyone else is doing and thinks. Just to be me. Thank you.
something that can be so hard to do- just being the way you want to be! Who doesn't struggle with this sometimes? I'm always asking myself, 'wait, do I really want that, or do I just want it because i feel like I should (or that other people think I should)? As well as not not caring about how others choose to do things.
I can understand why everyone loves this, because I do as well. It feels like an everyday struggle to separate the things I do and figure out what I'm doing because it makes me happy, and what I'm doing because everyone else thinks I should be doing it.
I don't have time to worry about what other people are doing with their time. I'm spending all of my energies trying to get the most out of my day.
Yes! I hate chevron and it's everywhere!!! I've been figuring out the last year or so that I'm really like a little old lady inside of my 27 year old body. I like to be more simple and don't usually want to change up for the latest and greatest anything. I'm left out of the loop on so much new stuff, and I'm ok with that. I just want to sit in my little sweater and hang out at home.
Great post!!
I really like this post, but especially as it related to parenting.
For some reason it just never occurred to me until reading this, that it is OK to just do with your kids what YOU want (or what they want) instead of constantly looking for things to make them 'well-rounded'. That it's ok for your kids to be interested in the things you are, or know about the things you know (for me: gardening, cooking, reading, etc) instead of forcing yourself to do a million things not enjoy them or be good at them, just for the sake of what everyone else thinks you should be doing.
I'm not even close to being a parent, but I so appreciated this!