Not Worth a Stamp

Dear Allergies,

I’d forgotten how truly delightful you are. I cannot express my thanks at your return so that I can remember with clarity the subtle beauties of your character.

How could I forget how fun it is to have constantly watering eyes? I particularly like it when my co-workers or classmates ask me a question and I look up from my laptop and they recoil, wondering what terrible news I just received that would cause me to weep so copiously? I also like the tear-tracks that are now imprinted on my cheeks. It’s classy, I think.

I also really enjoy only ever breathing through one nostril (I also like it that you’ve reduced me to using the word nostril on my blog. Thanks for that). And you switch it up too! Sometimes it’s the right, sometimes it’s the left! Never a dull moment around these parts.

I’ve always loved waking up in the morning. I rejoice in the harsh blaring of an alarm and the feeling of walking around half-dead. I couldn’t have imagined it could get better, but it has. And I have you to thank for that. Not only do I get to wake up in the pitch-black feeling more exhausted than I did the night before, but now I get to do with the accompanying overwhelming feeling of suffocation. Why, one of these mornings, I may wake up dead. Which, come to think of it, would mean I wouldn’t have to hear that lovely alarm one more time.

Yes, Allergies, I’d like to welcome you back with open arms. Thank you for making life a little more exciting, a little more worth living. You’ll always have a special place in my heart. And nose.

Sincerely, lovingly, truly,


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  • Reply Becca October 2, 2008 at 4:59 pm


  • Reply Noelle October 2, 2008 at 5:36 pm

    Great post Janssen. 🙂 It reminded me a bit of that dinner scene from Sound of Music. (Right after she sits on the pinecone…)

  • Reply Packrat October 2, 2008 at 5:37 pm

    I’m having hysterics! I’m sorry you feel so miserable, but you really brighted my day with your wonderful “letter”.

    I do truly feel for you. As young teens my son, daughter, and I went through all the skin tests, and my son and I did the shot circuit. (I have out-grown most allergies; my son has not. My daughter’s problems turned out to be food related.) Anyway, if you are horribly miserable, please do yourself a favor of visiting an allergist. Because. you. are. worth. it.

  • Reply Science Teacher Mommy October 2, 2008 at 5:57 pm

    Nothing is so horrible if we can just laugh about it.

  • Reply hollyhs October 2, 2008 at 6:49 pm

    ha ha! love it! you’re right!!! clever post! 🙂

  • Reply Sheyenne October 2, 2008 at 7:09 pm

    You’re right. Tear streaks are classy. And I vote that you wear them with your new black skirt and silver shoes.

  • Reply Samantha J. October 2, 2008 at 7:26 pm

    Amen. I’m dying here. Did you hear the ragweed isn’t going away until the 1st freeze in TX? Yes, that means we’ll deal with this for another 2 months??

  • Reply Angella October 2, 2008 at 10:09 pm

    You funny.

    I have never had allergies. Now that I typed that, they are sure to materialize.

  • Reply Lisa October 6, 2008 at 4:02 am

    No allergies here, but everyone in my family is passing around a nasty cold, the symptoms of which are similar. Kleenex is your friend, until it’s not.

  • Reply trent October 6, 2008 at 6:40 am

    Hahaha, I’m still laughing.

    p.s. Janssen, hey!

  • Reply Megs October 7, 2008 at 12:07 am

    Janssen, I like you. And your nostrils.

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