Money, Money, Money
If you’ve been reading for a while, you know that, after books, one of my all-time favorite topics is money.
The other day, I was reading a book that said married couples should absolutely have separate bank accounts.
I have a friend who does that – one of them pays the mortgage, one pays for the vacation house they own. She gives him a bill for groceries. They switch off years paying for their daughter’s extra-curricular activities.
We, on the other hand, have never really even talked about having separate bank accounts. It didn’t even occur to either of us, I think. I did, for a brief while when we moved to Texas, have a checking account that I deposited all my checks into, but other than that it’s pretty much always been a single account that we pay all our bills and do all our spending from, together.
I think it’s hard to be completely even with money because the chances that you’ll ever make exactly the same amount of money seem VERY slim to me. In our case, I will never make as much as Bart will just by virtue of our different career fields, which have vastly different pay scales.
And, of course, I’ve been the sole breadwinner in our family for the better part of two years now, so that would have made things tricky (although the idea of writing Bart a bill for his half of the expenses for the last two years is not without its appeal).
I think it’s maybe easier for us than some other couples since we are both pretty frugal and have pretty aligned priorities money-wise. I definitely think it would be difficult if one of us was a major spender and one of us was a complete tightwad.
On the other hand, I can see how much easier it would be to each have your own checking account with your allotted money deposited there after the household bills were paid. It would definitely make me feel that I had more flexibility to spend however I wanted.
It seems like some people absolutely feel that if you don’t share your money, you might as well hire a divorce lawyer straight after the honeymoon, while other people think you’re an absolute idiot to not be in complete control of your own finances.
I guess I can see both sides. For now, sharing works pretty well for us. But in the future, it might work better to have more separate accounts. I do draw the line at writing invoices for Bart; I hate paperwork.
I LOVE talking about money too!
Mr. C and I, although not married, have a joint account and seperate accounts. Our checks go into our joint account and that's where I pay all the bills from. Then we get an allotment for gas/lunch etc that goes into our individual accounts. Our bonuses go into our individual savings accounts, but we (when I have a job anyways) allocate a certain amount to our joint savings every month too.
Mr. C and I make pretty much the same amount of money (well, when I have a job).
Instead of talking about joint accounts, what about making decisions on larger purchases? Let's suppose after you get to Boston and you're both making good money, that Janssen decides she really wants to join the Boston Country Club. It will be a good place to meet authors, publishers, etc. and she is suddenly in love with the game of golf. The fee to join is only $25,000 for younger couples and you can afford the $800 per month fee and Janssen's dad decides to spring for the $25,000 as a Christmas present to his favorite daughter. Bart is appalled and under no circumstances wants to hang out at a Country Club, doesn't like golf that much, and just says, no way!! I'd rather have your dad buy us a new Toyota.
These type of decisions are the tough ones whether or not you have two accounts and two incomes. One partner really wants something and the other has the ability to blackball the idea. How do you deal with this?
We have separate accounts but joint money. There are some bills I always pay (as in, write the check or do the transfer or it's auto pay from my account) and some he does (ditto) but money flows freely between them. We use different banks- he banks where he has a long standing history, I bank at the credit union where I work. If my account is gonna be short (and it often is, I make 1/3 what he does) then I just ask for some cash. This works for us because I balance my account and he does not (ever)(no, really) and we'd each make the other crazy if we had to share. Plus, he doesn't have to justify his fast food to me and I don't have to explain Target.
Amen to what Douglas Carl said. Another things that you shouldn't wait on: each of you should start building your own credit. In our crazy world, women still do not have equal banking/loan rights, so it is more important for the woman than the man. I pray, Janssen, that you never need it, but you should have your own excellent credit rating. Be sure to build as a couple, too.
To address what Packrat said: it isn't legal to deny a loan based on gender. What usually happens is that a husband and wife have a mortgage and maybe a couple of car loans together. The husband makes 2x the income, for any reason, fair or not. When the wife comes in ALONE to apply for credit, she gets denied, because her debt to income ratio is too high, because their mortgage/car payments equal more than half her income. So we add her spouse and suddenly it's ok, and it seems that we won't give a woman alone a loan. This is much more an issue of unequal pay than unfair lending. If you are a stay at home mom or you work a low paying or part time job and you want a loan alone, there is no way for me to approve that, regardless of your credit or lack thereof. The husband can often still take out loans without the wife.
Disclaimer, this would be true for ANY couple, regardless of sex, where one makes more money than the other. Stay at home dads would have the same problem.
You should certainly build credit, but your ability to do a loan is based on more than just the score.
Abe & I have all shared finances, although we've tracked how much money we each earned since getting married. A few months ago I totaled it up, and, to date, we have actually made exactly the same amount, within about $200.
Haha – Danny and I continue to have this same conversation as we get closer to having two incomes again. And you know the conclusion I've come to? It's money – it comes and goes and it doesn't really matter who's bank account it is as long as you love the name on the ledger. Although Danny insists I will never know how much $$ we make once there is a DR. in front of his name 😉