No Gifts, Please
When I was growing up, most birthday parties we had in our family were the “no gifts please” type of party. This seemed fairly uncommon at the time – I can’t remember going to any parties for my friends where this was case.
Now, however, it seems to be gaining popularity. Ralphie’s little girl had a birthday last week and it was a no gifts party. Emily Kate posted recently about her daughter’s first birthday party, and I noticed that the invitations specified no gifts as well. Kayla, who is my guide in all things party throwing, has made the line “”your presence is the only gift we need!” standard on all invitations for birthdays.
I tend to be a little uncomfortable with gifts anyway, and I always worry people will think they were invited to something solely because I want them to show up with some excellent loot (hello, social anxieties). If I ever do throw myself a birthday party, you can bet the invitations will say, in large large letters, “No Gifts, Please!” (More likely, I’ll steal Kayla’s excellent line, but we’ll skip over that for now).
I think kid birthday parties can become so expensive, especially when you have multiple children who are all being invited to a bunch of parties a year, and it is so difficult to pick out a gift for another child – what will they like, what do they already have? Will you give the loser gift that they cast aside the moment the wrapping paper is off? Will your gift be the one the child loves but the parent hates you for giving (did I mention that this kind of thing gives me intense anxiety?)? I want to spare other people the burden of this. Show up and let me feed your children prodigious amounts of sugar. No plastic toy from Wal-mart required.
Plus, I tend to be quite the minimalist, so the idea of my child getting a pile of random cheap gifts and then having to find a place for them does not thrill me in the least (not that I think YOU would give my child a random cheap gift – it’s everyone else I worry about . . . ). And multiple children? Multiple piles of random stuff every single year? Not interested.
Perhaps I’m setting my children up for a lifetime of disappointing birthdays, but I really hope that they will see their birthday parties as a chance to have fun and spend time with friends and family, not a reason to open a huge mountain of gifts.
This makes it sound like I hate gifts. Of course I do not – I am only human. But I hate required gifts. I would never expect you to give me or my children a gift, for any occasion.
Amen! I agree totally, in fact we did this for our daughter's 3 year party last summer. I do have to say, though, if you can handle it, some new (even cheap, plastic) toys that last a few weeks then can be recycled to a local clothing exchange or something can be nice for boredom management.
Hey – I am certainly delighted to discover this. Good job!
2 thoughts… #1-One boy at our school has for the past several years had his friends bring books that would then be donated to our school library. In turn, his parents would give him a huge Lego set. It was win/win.. he got a really big gift and not tons of little gifts he really didn't want/need and our library got about 20 new books! #2-A parent of 5 yr old twins was debating on whether to put them in the same class for Kinder… solely because if they were in separate classes (which is what she preferred) they would be invited to approx 40 bday parties throughout the year!!!!
Wait, I didn't write this post? But, it's MY VOICE!!!!!!!!!
i hate required gifts too. my only bride breakdown was over who to invite to my bridal shower because i just hate the though of people thinking they have to get me stuff. ha.
oh, and i had so much heartburn over it with emery's 3rd that i skipped it altogether (the party with friends, that is). bad mom award.
we alternated– party every other year. I don't remember any year but 5th grade that everyone brought presents. and I like it that way. with my kids its hard bc my inlaws REFUSE to not buy presents. Finally they send money (because I give them specific book titles, i'm SO over stuffed animals!)… and we put it in college savings…. and then tell them we got W such and such. I know it is a lie, but I've had ENOUGH of the crap. My kids are happy without commercialism! (Parenting, Inc. and The Case for Make Believe are two favorite books on this topic)
I LLLOOOOOVE having parties as an adult, though. I love the anticipation of getting everything ready. But I do things like, host a talent show and just ask people to do something– bring a piece of art, writing, a cool carved thing, sing a song. Make an event out of it. But no presents. So much better.
I have a suggestion for Emily Kate! We plan to have our children go through their toys and give some away to needy children before each birthday/Christmas. That way they learn to edit down the number of toys they have, and hopefully we will somehow be able to provide them with experiences where they give things away in person. I know there is an organization out there (I can't think of the name) where they help you throw a birthday party for your child that benefits another child! (I.e. all the presents are donated at the end of the day). This link has some tips on doing something similar: http://justparentingadvice.com/the-newest-kind-of-birthday-party-to-throw-for-your-kids/
I most definitely agree with you on the no gifts thing. When my babe turned 1 we didn't have any guests or a big bash (why invite 10 kids over when they have no idea what is going on?) and we gave him one thing, a toy train. Each time it's a gift giving holiday I beg my own parents to give him practical things because he just doesn't appreciate the toys yet! As always, I like the way you think.
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