I’m a compulsively private person.
I don’t like people to know when I’m trying something new or aiming for something, because I don’t want anyone to know whether or not to ask about something after the fact. I’m happy to share my success, but I absolutely do not want to share my failure.
On the morning of the GRE, my biggest cause for panic was not that I might bomb the test completely, but that so many people knew I was taking the test. If I did terribly, there were a lot of people who were likely going to ask about it and I’d either have to lie and say “fine” or confess what a total absolute failure I was.
Bart and I don’t plan to tell anyone that we’re having a baby until it’s impossible to keep it a secret any longer. We joke sometimes that, because we live far away from our family, we could theoretically, just show up at Christmas with a baby no one knew we had had (don’t worry, we’d never really do that; it’s just a hilarious idea to me).
Secrets make me feel safe; I can share success if I choose, but no one knows if something hasn’t worked out. No one knows to ask. No one asks questions that make me uncomfortable. And I like it that way.
Ralphie says
Janssen, you make me laugh. Brian has the very same philosophy. He could keep something to himself his entire life and be perfectly satisfied with never sharing it. Especially when failure is concerned (which he rarely experiences. I honestly could never see you failing.) I like to play the “wow” card every now and then but am perfectly happy to spill the beans about every minute detail if any one asked. Some thing that makes B crrrrazy! *hehe*
Lost A Sock says
Hi, we are the same person. Nice to meet you.
I sometimes have difficulty blogging for the exact reasons you mentioned – it’s hard to spill “unfinished” news. The idea of being nonchelant about things, including engagement and the newlywed thing is amazing – I had no idea anyone else in the world felt that way. It was the same with being newly pregnant (and not showing) and a new mom. Being a weathered mom of two is easier on my mental state. Can I guess that you hate when people mention how young you still are? I will be one of the few, glad to hit 30.
Also, currently? My husband and I are harboring a giant secret that we refuse to make a peep about unless it actually happens. (And it has nothing to do with a baby, haha.)
chloe elizabeth says
I love this post! I have (had) that same issue…but it’s for a different reason. I don’t care about failing (or whatever), or people knowing about it. What I can’t stand is that, if I do fail, and people ask me about it, is that they always feel bad. I hate making people feel bad. Like, when people ask where my mom is (because I live with my dad and his wife), I hate telling them she died because they always feel awkward.
Strange, but true.
I seriously love your blog. Do you like how I kept the post short, so I could clean, and now I’m procrastinating the cleaning by blog stalking?
Bethany says
I wish I could do that! I am the worst secret keeper ever… to the point where I often give way too much personal information. Like “how was your day Bethany?” “Fine. but I got these new stretch-marks on my butt…” If people ask to tell me a “secret” I often admonish them not to. Can’t even keep my own.
Kristy says
Yeah, I really am not good at keeping happy secrets either. Other peoples’ secrets, I’m like the grave, but why hold on to my own happy information? I actually admire you for that, Janssen.
One Smart Cookie says
I can’t keep stuff quiet becuase I am the biggest “what if-er”. I have to measure and weigh every possibility, to the point of driving everyone around me nuts. (ie: If I get this promotion, then I’ll need to do A, B, and C, but if I don’t, then maybe I’ll do this. Or this. Or that!) By the time something does happen, I’m so relieved to have the endless worrying over with that it’s really anticlimactic.
Ginger says
We didn’t tell anyone we were expecting (the first child) until we passed the 12 week mark. It was very hard (especially keeping it from my mom) but I felt the same way you do about it. And it was kind of a sweet secret to keep for a while.
Jennifer Lee says
Janssen, I had to read your post twice before I realized that you were not telling us that you were pregnant. And then I was a little sad that you weren’t making the announcement. And I hope that, when you are, you tell me because I am also the kind of person who likes to know all and tell little. If you tell me, then I will tell you.
You crack me up, you college graduate.
janet says
I’m not totally sure why, but this post makes me like you so much! of course I already liked you before, but this is very endearing. but if i was your mother and you showed up with a baby and I had no warning I would totally kill you! 🙂