Etc

One Month

August 24, 2010

Darling Ella,

The day after you were born, your dad and I opted (as we had the night before) to send you to the nursery for the night so that we could get some sleep. The evening before, I was so exhausted from delivery that I was asleep before they took you away, but that night, I was wide awake when you left, and I lay in bed feeling ridiculously sad that you were gone. Half of me felt desolate, half of me laughing at myself because I could not believe I felt this way.

I never really have felt like I was much of a baby person. I mean, I like babies and all, but I was never anxious to hold someone else’s baby or have even really felt particularly baby hungry.

What I am, though, is an Ella person. I love you so much more than I expected to.

I can’t believe that, when you wake up in the middle of the night, I’m actually happy to see your little face with those big eyes staring up at me.

 

I am so surprised that it doesn’t feel like a burden when I have to leave a social event to go feed you for 30 minutes or when I eat a hamburger one handed at a BBQ because I’m rocking you with the other.

What surprises me the most, though, is that I still feel just like me. I really was worried that it would fundamentally change me, somehow, to have a baby and that I’d feel like a stranger to myself. I don’t; I’m still me. I just have you now.

I’m so glad you’re here.

Love,
Mommy

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22 Comments

  • Reply Jess August 24, 2010 at 5:54 pm

    Oh, this is so lovely, and makes me so excited for five months from now. Eeee.

  • Reply jpetroroy August 24, 2010 at 6:12 pm

    Lovely. 🙂

  • Reply Enna Isilee August 24, 2010 at 6:22 pm

    She's so adorable! And that was a beautiful post.

  • Reply heidikins August 24, 2010 at 6:22 pm

    Ohmygoodness, she's so cute! I love this post, absolutely love it.

    xox

  • Reply Merrick August 24, 2010 at 7:28 pm

    I'm so glad you feel that way, cause I feel the same and I wish every mom felt the same. I still feel like me, just with a baby.

    Can't wait to see you next weekend!

  • Reply Carly August 24, 2010 at 7:35 pm

    She's just darling. I am so glad the transition into life with a baby has been so comfortable!

  • Reply Kristy August 24, 2010 at 8:10 pm

    Gosh, Janssen, way to make the pregnant lady cry! That was the sweetest. You're a sweet, sweet mommy.

  • Reply Saskia August 24, 2010 at 8:26 pm

    Thank you. I sometimes wonder if I want to have a kid because I have the feelings you describe. This, besides being so adorable and lovely, makes me feel that if I do choose to want to have a baby, I can do so and still remain me..

    and Enna really is cute! And I bet you two are wonderful parents.

  • Reply amber waves of grain August 24, 2010 at 9:32 pm

    I like how you phrased that– the part about still being you, but with a baby. That's how I hope to feel. I hope to be able to write a similar letter in a few months… thank you!

  • Reply Tamsen August 24, 2010 at 9:52 pm

    Very sweet, welcome to motherhood:)

  • Reply preethi August 24, 2010 at 10:08 pm

    This post is so honest, and so lovely. 🙂

  • Reply craftyashley August 24, 2010 at 10:10 pm

    What a great way to describe that feeling of motherhood. I am not a kid/baby person. I just like MY kids.

  • Reply Jenae August 24, 2010 at 10:58 pm

    Ok. That was so tender. Thank you for sharing.

    I wish that we lived closer because I think we think a lot alike. I'm not sure that made sense…

    jj

  • Reply megan August 25, 2010 at 12:55 am

    cute, Janssen. so's she.

  • Reply megan August 25, 2010 at 12:56 am

    cute, Janssen. So's she.

  • Reply Laurie August 25, 2010 at 2:08 am

    Great post, Janssen. After having my 3 kids I think I felt more 'me' that I ever had. It just felt so right. I totally, hopelessly fell love with each of them.

    Our kids fit into our lives and didn't change what we did. We just learned to do things with kids in tow.

    Glad to see you're loving being a mom.

  • Reply kristen August 25, 2010 at 2:57 am

    oh, don't you love to love your baby!? it's the best feeling. and i'm loving that little clip! 🙂

  • Reply Rachel August 25, 2010 at 12:55 pm

    i never knew what the term "labor of love" meant until I became a mommy. It is awesome.

    BTW things got crazy here the past few weeks. You will get your stuff!

  • Reply Lexilooo August 25, 2010 at 2:13 pm

    Beautiful!

  • Reply Bethany August 25, 2010 at 2:43 pm

    She is just the sweetest thing in the world. That FACE! Why oh why did you leave?

  • Reply Lisa August 25, 2010 at 6:20 pm

    It's the second picture that kills me the most. Oh sweet swaddled baby!

  • Reply emandtrev August 25, 2010 at 8:20 pm

    What a lovely post–and that darling baby girl. She is just precious.

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