And because it’s Friday, nothing sounds better than a little crazed ranting. If you are not ready to deal with many many capital letters, you may want to hit that little red x in the top left corner (or in the top right corner for those of you using a non-Mac). You have been warned.
Five Ridiculous Things I Am Fanatical About:
1. Buying the cheapest grade of gas. I refuse to pay ten cents more a gallon for some “Premium” gas. I am a cheapskate.
2. Keeping little piles from forming in the house (especially on our bedroom vanity, the kitchen table, and the dryer). Ugh, hate!
3. Returning books and movies on time. Even if it’s only a dime, I feel like an utter failure if my library and Blockbuster items are back late.
4. Drinking water with my food. I cannot eat without a glass of liquid. I’d rather not eat.
5. Freshly ground pepper. We got several pepper mills for our wedding. We kept one and I started buying whole pepper corns. And now I turn up my nose at pre-ground pepper. I’ve become a pepper snob.
Five Things I Have Always Wanted to Vent About: (watch out!)
1. It makes me crazy when you go to a store where you have to have someone unlock a dressing room for you and THERE IS NO ONE THERE TO DO IT! In one particular store, I have never once gone straight to the dressing room – I always have to go dig up a salesperson. And then the door locks behind me, when I go to get different sizes, and I have to go find the salesperson AGAIN! I have left my dressing room door wedged open and sometimes, when the dressing room is empty, I have just crawled under the door. This makes me very angry. If you don’t want to have someone manning the dressing room, do not put locks on the doors. And do not tell me to only take 6 items in with me. I’m buying jeans, people, which means I will likely need to try on at least 20 pairs, and since you won’t unlock a room for me without concerted effort on my part, I am going to consciously ignore that foolish rule and waltz in with as many dang items as I please. And I dare you to stop me.
2. More about gas. I HATE HATE HATE it when people park at the gas station in such a way that you cannot park at the other empty pump. I went to the gas station yesterday on my way to work and I could not get gas even though there were two empty slots. Because two separate lousy parkers had plopped their cars right in the middle of the two pumps. Let me repeat this: I was late to work because I had to wait for an already empty pump to become available. This is not a good way to start a Thursday morning – your blood pressure will skyrocket.
3. I am deeply anti-water bottle. Buy yourself a five dollar plastic water bottle at the grocery store and use it for years. STOP buying water bottles and throwing them away (currently 40 MILLION water bottles are thrown away EVERY SINGLE DAY). Also, tap water has higher standards than bottled water, so you aren’t making this brilliant health decision. And it’s horrible for the environment. Even without considering the land fill of discarded (and totally recyclable) bottles, it’s just plain stupid to have water being shipped all over the world, especially into the U.S. And you’re getting ripped off. You could buy one bottle of Evian Water for $1.35 and then refill it once a day for 10 years, 5 months, and 21 days in San Francisco with tap water before that tap water cost you $1.35. Just stop with the water bottles, people. I’m serious.
4. HOW do people still not have checking accounts. Like people with actual jobs?? Are you keeping your money under your mattress? Or are you spending it so fast that the bank is just a waste of time? Seriously, I do not understand this (I also do not understand people who don’t do direct deposit – then there is no delay in waiting for your check, no rushing to get to the bank before it closes, etc. If your job offers direct deposit and you still get a paper check, I do not understand you).
5. So, it’s October. Halloween is just a few weeks away. And this has brought a deeply important issue to the front of my mind: Kids who use a PILLOWCASE to go trick-or-treating. I am sorry, but this is simply wrong. You should be banned from trick-or-treating. A pillowcase is just rude. If my children ever take a pillowcase with them, you can bet I will take all of their candy away and grind it in the garbage disposal. Use a normal sized trick-or-treat container. You may empty it out if need be, but you will NOT take a pillowcase. I feel irrationally strongly about this (I also want to smack teenagers who go around trick-or-treating. After you are about 12, you are too old to trick-or-treat. You then become a greedy, repulsive, candy fanatic who should know better. Go to the freaking grocery store the week after Halloween and buy yourself some cheap candy of your choosing. Stop trying to elbow out all those adorable children (IN REAL COSTUMES!) with your “vagrant” costume to get a lousy piece of gum for free. You are a disgrace).